Saving a Marriage: Mission ImPossible

By: Dr. Deborah Pinkston, LPC, PhD

At times it seems that saving a marriage is like Mission Impossible. There is so much hurt and resentment that some couples decide to throw in the towel and move on.

Cultural mindset: Out with the old, in with the new.

Years ago, when a pair of shoes had a hole it in, people took the shoes to a cobbler who repaired them and made them almost good as new. Recently how many people have you seen taking their old shoes to be repaired? Very few! We usually throw away or give away our old and broken things, and buy new things to replace them. Our culture does not encourage longevity and a stick-with-it attitude.

This attitude has permeated our minds much more than we realize, even to our attitudes about marriage. If we are not happy in our marriage or there is trouble in our relationships, we are prone to cut our losses and start fresh with someone new. It simply takes too much work to save a marriage!

The fact is that it does take work to save a marriage, but saving a marriage is well worth it! When we consider the benefits versus the consequences of divorce, we clearly see that it pays to put forth the effort!

Some of the consequences of divorce are:

-Financial pressures due to maintaining two homes.

-Anxiety for the children involved (no matter their age).

-Legal fees.

-Lost friendships and roles in the community.

-Damage to self-confidence and self-esteem.

There are many benefits to saving a marriage:

-Stability for the children.

-Resilience is developed.

-New behaviors and attitudes are developed which benefit not only the marriage but other relationships as well.

-Modeling positive behaviors for the children.

-Greater financial strength by maintaining one home instead of two.

As you can see the benefits of saving the marriage far outweigh the consequences of divorce, and these are only a few listed above.

Counselors can help couples identify the hurts that need healing and forgiveness, the needs that need to be met, the expressions of love that can be expressed, and the feelings that need to be shared. Intimacy and fulfillment is possible, when two people are willing to put themselves into it and save the marriage.